One of the toughest things in life, I think, is starting. Starting something new, leaving behind past relationships, jobs, and beliefs. Leaving behind familiar, and comfortable habits are crucial when it comes to allowing yourself to grow and become the best version of yourself. For years I saw my friends and family members around me living orthodox life styles, following the rules of society, never questioning this life or anything else that happens to them. They all share an unquestionable subjectivity to the world they inhabit.. One of the easiest things in life is to consistently follow is a pattern. This is true because, starting something requires a large deal of energy, thought, and action. In contrast, following a pattern does not require the exhaustion of much energy. Have you ever been in a situation where you have a research assignment, lets say, and have no idea where to start, or what topic you’d like to research. You might sit at the screen for hours googling things to talk about, or flick through your notes. But once you decide on your topic and you’re committed to it, and passionate about it you’re unstoppable, like a snowball rolling down a hill with no signs of slowing and increasing in size.
Growing up I always knew that I was different. I saw the world differently than those around me. I felt life differently. I never knew where exactly I “fit” amongst my peers or even my family. I bounced from one group of friends to the next, never really finding a space that was welcoming. Most times I would feel loads of pressure to have a lot of friends. I experienced anxiety from hanging out with all these “friends” that weren’t really my friends. On top of that, I was the weird girl who wasn’t interested in the gossip or being popular, or going shopping and having the cutest shoes. I spent my time observing the world that I, unknowingly, was creating for myself.
In this world I was afraid of being different-looking different, sounding, smelling, seeing, hearing, trying different.. I wanted to be accepted for who I was, but I wasn’t ready to take such risks. I didn’t allow myself to make my own decisions. I know what you might be thinking, “but it’s your life, you can choose to do and be whatever you want. Who cares what other people think! Being weird and unique is totally awesome!” I wish someone had told me that growing up- it could have saved me countless episodes of bipolar-like mood swings, depression, and talking down on myself.
Fortunately, I am now awakening from a 21 year slumber of darkness. I am awakening to a universe full of beauty and unlimited possibilities. Transitioning from my old life style to becoming the greatest version of myself is going to be a wild adventure. I have also chosen to use my blog as a platform to help me along this journey. I am excited to become connected others that are on the same vibrational frequency as I am.