Crimson Delight

In that moment when the butterfly’s wings flap

that moment in which the thunder claps

she greets me- lighting up the sky blue and white

eyes never leaving mine- boring right through me

free falling under the sun- into the skies i run

to the moon- my first destination

of isolation

my celestial quest

to thank my mother for the natural flowing tides

that crash within me- love piercing through me

pit stop destination- the enchantment

these allusions reaching out from behind my eyes and gripping my reality

she trembles- desperate cries of the aged old lies

across the coastal horizon no measure to define the separation of land and sky

a rainbow sea of pink an purple lighting my eyes those puffy clouds

to rest my heavy soul- a reminder of my being

a mirror of space and time- endless, infinite

i dare to dive deep within myself

blazing, she drifts away higher than one’s eye can see

Velma

 

velma

your pretty little hands on my soul

dip your hands and touch the skies

pulsing your fingers into the stars

i was hiding through the mania

behind my forced smiles and empty hellos

remind me of what i was

who i was – no more

no longer the girl from yesterday- a memory of a thought

that lives beyond the boundaries of time and space

i have lived an eternity-

escaping the vision of the hand in the morgue

the disaster of my crisis – the death of she

the evolution of my essence- the bearing of all the lives

i have lived

paving the paths to the gardens of my soul

in spring i come home

Awake

One of the toughest things in life, I think, is starting. Starting something new, leaving behind past relationships, jobs, and beliefs. Leaving behind familiar, and comfortable habits are crucial when it comes to allowing yourself to grow and become the best version of yourself. For years I saw my friends and family members around me living orthodox life styles, following the rules of society, never questioning this life or anything else that happens to them. They all share an unquestionable subjectivity to the world they inhabit.. One of the easiest things in life is to consistently follow is a pattern. This is true because, starting something requires a large deal of energy, thought, and action. In contrast, following a pattern does not require the exhaustion of much energy. Have you ever been in a situation where you have a research assignment, lets say, and have no idea where to start, or what topic you’d like to research. You might sit at the screen for hours googling things to talk about, or flick through your notes. But once you decide on your topic and you’re committed to it, and passionate about it you’re unstoppable, like a snowball rolling down a hill with no signs of slowing and increasing in size.

Growing up I always knew that I was different. I saw the world differently than those around me. I felt life differently. I never knew where exactly I “fit” amongst my peers or even my family. I bounced from one group of friends to the next, never really finding a space that was welcoming. Most times I would feel loads of pressure to have a lot of friends. I experienced anxiety from hanging out with all these “friends” that weren’t really my friends. On top of that, I was the weird girl who wasn’t interested in the gossip or being popular, or going shopping and having the cutest shoes. I spent my time observing the world that I, unknowingly, was creating for myself.

In this world I was afraid of being different-looking different, sounding, smelling, seeing, hearing, trying different.. I wanted to be accepted for who I was, but I wasn’t ready to take such risks. I didn’t allow myself to make my own decisions. I know what you might be thinking, “but it’s your life, you can choose to do and be whatever you want. Who cares what other people think! Being weird and unique is totally awesome!” I wish someone had told me that growing up- it could have saved me countless episodes of bipolar-like mood swings, depression, and talking down on myself.

Fortunately, I am now awakening from a 21 year slumber of darkness. I am awakening to a universe full of beauty and unlimited possibilities. Transitioning from my old life style to becoming the greatest version of myself is going to be a wild adventure. I have also chosen to use my blog as a platform to help me along this journey. I am excited to become connected others that are on the same vibrational frequency as I am.

End of misery

This sweet rain fills me with joy it is
The fuel the earth needs to survive,
The pure substance that is
Necessary for growth.

Come spring and the flowers are
Ready be blooming.
They poke out through their tiny buds
And are now born
Born into this beautiful world.

This sweet rain fills my soul with
Relief.
It is the answer
It is the solution
To this unbearable drought.
This rain will flood and wash
Away all this misery.
For after the rain there will bloom
New flowers and they
Will flourish.

This rain will not keep me in
This rain will get me out
This rain, oh I know this rain is it.
Because after the storm
There’s always a rainbow.